COMMUNICATION IN MARRIAGE
- Relationship is the position you hold in respect of another or to someone else.v
- The major problem in marriage is disrespect for one another, however, this primarily or mainly manifests in the form of breakdown in communication.v
- One can then easily say that communication is very important because it is the No. 1 problem area in marriage.v
- Open communication will solve most, if not all, difficult marital problems – Eph. 4:29-32; Heb. 13:16.v
OTHER KEY THINGS ABOUT COMMUNICATION
- Communication is important – Mt. 18:18-20
- Communication involves talking, listening, understanding and acting or taking action.
- Greek – Koinonia – Fellowship – Intermingling – Intercourse
- You cannot communicate unless there is a common ground. Communication comes from the word communion, i.e. common union.
- Can be verbal or non verbal – Lk. 7. words, gestures (action), spirit (attitude)
- Communication involves a sacrifice – Heb. 13:16; Jam. 1:18-19.
- Communication is a process – it takes time; therefore requires patience
- Makes one vulnerable – Gen. 2:24 (realm of nakedness)
- The primary purpose of communication is to achieve bonding or intimacy (into-me-see)
- Hinges on the Law of giving and receiving. Communication involves opening up and sharing yourself with another person.
- Words can make or break people – Prov. 18:4ff, 21; 12:25; 15:1-4; 16:24
PROBLEMS IN COMMUNICATION
- Fear – being ignored, rejection, ridicule
- Misunderstanding – mainly as a result of poor listening skills, also poor regard or respect for one another and preconceived ideas (presumption) – Ps. 19
- What you want to say
- What you actually said
- What the other person heard you say
- What the other person thinks they heard you say
- What the other person says about what you said
- What you think the other person said about what you said
- Attitude – not just what you say but how you say it
- Poor Timing – a word spoken in season
- Improper Perception – suspicion, previous hurts
LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION
- Frivolous – Cliché – Hi, weather
- Factual level – statistics
- Fellowship – Personal judgment
- Feeling/Emotional level – suppressing your feeling or emotions; level of vulnerability especially with a feeling of insecurity
- Freedom – Total openness & transparency – Gen. 2:24-25
KEYS TO IMPROVING COMMUNICATION
- Quality decision – dedication
- Establish time to share – making time for someone encourages healthy communion.
- Take an interest in what the other person is doing – Amos 3:3; Neh. 2:20
- Find a common ground; communication = common union – 1 Pet. 3:8
- Avoid belittling remarks and Maintain a Godly purpose – 1 Pet. 4:11; Eph. 4:29-32; Prov. 16:24; Rom. 12:3. Spend more time discussing your strengths not your weaknesses.
- Maintain courtesy – 1 Pet. 3:8; Prov. 10:32. Form healthy habits:
- A) Avoid words like never and always when dealing with “negative” qualities.
- b) Remember compliments and words like “I’m sorry”, “Please forgive me” and “Thank you”.
- Be willing to admit you are wrong, remember that you don’t know it all – Eph. 4:15; 1 Jn. 1:8-10
- Keep the door of forgiveness open – Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13. You cannot communicate in strife
- Give surprise gifts regularly – Prov. 21:14
- Depend on God all the time – Prov. 16:1,7; 1 Pet. 4:11
3 TECHNIQUES INVOLVED IN COMMUNICATION
- Mirroring – ensures that you heard what was said} Products of
- Validation – ensures that you understood what was said} effective listening
- Constructive Instruction/Encouragement – Eph. 4:15; Pr. 15:1; Eph. 4:29
Tune in; Tone down; Sweeten UpðJam. 1:19
MORE THAN BEING GOOD TALKERS, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATORS ARE VERY GOOD LISTENERS.
God is a good listener that’s why He invites us to pray – Prov. 18:13; Ps. 34; Is. 59.
Listening – A conscious effort to hear – Pr. 18:13; Pr. 17:27-28
- It must be done intentionally – people are confident to speak when they are listened to with the purpose of how you can apply what you are hearing.
- It must be done sincerely – You must truly listen to the individual not just play/pretend that you are
- It has to be done attentively – Prov. 4:18-22. No distraction, good eye contact. Jesus said “Take heed what and how you hear.” Mk. 4/Lk. 8. Attention translates into Love.
- It must be done quietly (silently) – You cannot be talking at the same time. Listen=Silent
- It must be done calmly (peacefully) – Don’t be too anxious to react or even respond.
- It must be done hospitably or accommodatingly – Let your body language and general composure show that you are listening. Make them feel welcomed – Prov. 19:11
- It should be done wisely (diplomatically) – Jam. 3:13-17; Prov. 17:27ff. Anger doesn’t help.
- It should be done understandingly – Hear the heart not just the words of the individual.
- It should be done patiently – no room for interruptions. Quality time is important.
- It should be done completely – Allow the individual to finish what they are saying or conveying.
- It should be done inquisitively – generally to grasp the overall concept of what is being said.
- It should be done thoughtfully – in order to understand.
Listening requires a lot of discipline and sacrifice, remember though silence cannot be misquoted (though it can be misinterpreted = balance).
To be a good communicator, you cannot under-estimate the importance of being a good listener.
Finally, remember that we communicate by words (verbal), gestures (action) and by spirit (attitude – Prov. 18:14), so tone down, tune in and sweeten up – Jam. 1:19.
It is important that we allow the wisdom of God to guide us in this – Jam. 3:1